


Alright For Now

by bladesummonerv



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Didn't Know They Were Dating, M/M, Song: Learning to Fly (Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers), Trans James "Bucky" Barnes, Trans Sam Wilson, Vignette, plumbling! put your whole arm in m
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladesummonerv/pseuds/bladesummonerv
Summary: The trans Falcon and the trans Winter Soldier.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Kudos: 6





	1. Pansexual Fever

**Author's Note:**

> "Sprite Cranberry, a hot dog, and--Aw shit!" As they say.  
> There's bits about how many scars Bucky has, so, **non consensual body modification, PTSD, tinnitus, death** also the classic trans stuff like normal scars so **surgery mention**

"And I got some Sprite Cranberry." Sam said in the kitchen with Steve and Bucky.

"Oh." Steve said.

"Yeah." Sam said. "And coffee, if you're a day-drinker."

"Cinnamon Coke." Bucky demanded, gesturing for a Sprite.

Sam went, "Equgh." And Steve rolled his eyes but Bucky smiled. "You want a glass with ice?" Sam said to Bucky.

"No." 

"Woah, okay man." Sam said, because the Winter Soldier was glaring at him. And then after he tried the soda, he glared at the can.

"Is it okay...?" Steve said.

"Yeas." Bucky said.

"You're allowed to have opinions." Sam said out loud, just trying to think of a nice reason why Bucky seemed mad. Maybe it wasn't aimed outwards.

"It's fine." Bucky said, to Steve, annoyed, and then grumbled a thank-you to Sam, who led them to the living room.

\--- 

They did go talk to Stark in person, and they ate bagels and pizza and stuff in New York. Steve knew what kind of hot dog Bucky would want, and Bucky got all grumpy and weird. I guarantee you he was eating different hot dogs in the 30's, and probably different mustard too. Mustard is a plant, you know, it's not just vinegar. Like maple syrup.

Steve convinced them to put Bucky on the team. SHIELD was all for it. Tony had his own reasons for arguing, but Natasha and Clint also had reservations. 

They had lunch together, with the Avengers. Sam and Clint where bothering Natasha, it's just too fun.

\---

"Hey man." Sam sat next to Bucky, even though his face was ugly. "The clouds down there are pretty, huh?"

"Yeah." Bucky rubbed his face setting his elbows on his knees, hand under his chin, looking at Sam. 

\---

Steve loves to talk on the phone, but not Bucky. The world is so lucky that they never had to learn to text on a number pad. They get autocorrect and a tiny keyboard.

BARNES 9175550837 7:39  
Why does WIKIPEDIA have an article on tennis? Who cares? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennis

BARNES 9175550837 7:40  
11,000 words

Sam 3405553928 10:38  
The object of the game is to maneuver the ball in such a way... It does NOT need to be that many words

BARNES 9175550837 10:38  
You actually followed my link. I guess you care, nerd.

Sam 3405553928 12:26  
Why were you on the page in the first place?

BARNES 9175550837 18:16  
What the fuck is racquetball?

Sam 3405553928 19:03  
Girls at my gym like that game.

\---

"Oh. Maggie." Steve said as Sam got startled by some random woman in Steve's apartment. She was a red head with pale bluejeans. "I keep telling you, you don't have to do that." 

"And I keep doing it." She said, putting milk and eggs on the cutting board. 

"Hi Maggie..." Bucky said. 

"I think she thinks we're actually old." Steve muttered to Sam. 

"Speak for yourself." Bucky punched Steve. 

"Well, there you go. See you soon." She said. "Come and barrow a cup of sugar next time." She patted Sam's upper arm. 

"He's just visiting." Bucky got the door for her. 

"I'll be back soon." Sam protested. 

"I really don't know what she sees in you, Steve." Bucky said, sitting back down when she left. Sam followed Steve to the kitchen. 

"I'm saying I don't!" Steve said, putting the groceries away. "I mean, ga." Was that a golly? Was that a golly gosh? "She's so nice." I think that it was. "She's fun. Maybe we'll have to invite her." 

"Yeah?" 

"If you want to actually meet her. It's kind of funny that you freaked out when you saw her. Bucky's, uh, you know." 

"Tried to kill her like fifty times." 

"It's nice that people, just, you know." Steve said, and Sam laughed. Yeah, I suppose it is nice of people to forgive Bucky.

\---

There's this fucked up thing where when Bucky wears a tank top, which he sometimes does, you can see the top of a thoriatic surgery scar by his collar bones. And you can see his armpit which has a long scar across it as well, and of course you can see his shoulder, too, and sometimes his hip when his shirt decides his stomach is in its way.

\---

"Let me, let me." Bucky shooed at Steve. Sam watched this brief exchange. "I have steady hands when I'm thinking about it." Bucky said, and Sam let him re-dress his stupid leg that he'd stupidly hurt on this mission.

\---

"Sam, can I ask you a thing about gender?" 

"You can ask. I think that we're sort of different." 

"How so." 

"Well. I've seen your chest, man." Sam's chest wasn't as pretty as he would like it, surgery scar wise, but Bucky, you know. 

"Yeah, sure. Lucky break. It would have looked like that in the 30's, too." Oh. "Did Steve tell you the story of the chunk out of my leg?" Bucky pulled his pant-leg up to his knee. "I just think I could have kept it to a notch. Well, I was drunk by then, but, if I wasn't I could have done it." 

"Oh, uh-huh." 

"Yep. Anyway your chest looks great. I was staring at it for a while trying it figure it out." Bucky said. "Sorry." 

"It's fine." 

Are you hungry, do you want a burger or something?" 

"Yeah, sure, a burger sounds good." 

"I kind of want a terrible gray overcooked burger." 

"Like a diner burger with the char." Sam mused. 

"I want the char." 

"What were you gonna ask that made you feel like now you have to buy me lunch?" 

"Nothing. What did you think I was gonna ask?" 

\---

Steve's sink was leaking. I mean it was doing more than leaking. It was gushing. Steve was running back and forth so they could test the water, Bucky was part hammer, part wrench, and under neath the sink, and Sam had the toolbox. 

"We should put on some music." Sam said. 

"Sure." Bucky back out and sat on his heels. 

"Oh, yeah, that's a good idea." Steve said. "All we have is Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers." 

"It's easier to listen, when there's something in the background." Sam said. "That doesn't make sense." 

"I think I get it." Bucky said. "Come down here and listen to me go ee-ee-ee." 

So American Girl came on, and everyone knows that one. Well, for a minute Sam was thinking it was Free Falling, which was about a Good Girl, not an American Girl, you see. He didn't have the chance to make fun of Steve about it, because Bucky wanted to make the kitchen worse for a second, so Steve ran down to turn the water back on. Move this part until it clicks, get the oil out of that, tighten all these insanely small screws. 

"Oh, what accent does he have?" Steve wondered. 

There was a song about needing to know, and Bucky and Sam took turns on the repeaty parts of the chorus. 

"Okay, I need another hand." Bucky got Sam under the sink, they could barely fit. "Hi." Bucky said. 

"Hello." Sam said. 

Bucky pointed the flashlight. "So just hold that." Bucky said, and turned the screw near Sam's thumb. 

"Oh, this is the Wildflowers guy." Sam realized. "He did a lullaby. About," Trans people, "Wildflowers." 

"All these songs sound the same!" Bucky said. "Okay, thanks. Pull your pants up." 

"It was a different time." Steve explained, and Sam laughed, getting the knee of his jeans wet on the towel before Steve grabbed his hand to help him up. All lullabies in the 60's being baseball walk-ups was less funny than Steve talking about the 60's like that. 

Bucky crawled out from under the sink. "I'm gonna put my hand in the garbage disposal. I'm gonna do it." 

"Which hand. I'm gonna fucking turn it on. Do it. Put your hand in there." 

"There's probably nothing in here." 

"Wait, are you actually scared of garbage disposals?" Sam said when Bucky put his left hand in. 

"Well, I don't know what's in here. Steve probably put a bunch of fucking olive oil down this thing. You want me touching cold food gunk with my hand?" 

"I thought you can feel temperature." 

"I don't think I did." Steve said. 

"I can feel temperature. Wait, turn it on, I want to see what'll happen." 

"Please don't break my sink worse." 

"Oh yeah." Sam said. "Well, is there something in there?" 

"I definitely can't tell. Turn the water back on!" Bucky said, and pulled his hand out, and wiped it on his pants. "Who was the guy that wrote about fucking his car? Off! Failure to launch!"

"Probably several." Steve came back. 

"True." Sam snorted. 

Free Falling did come on, and I think it was just a break-up song. Like, there was a bad boy to compliment the good girl. Do you think Steve and Bucky tried to date? Do you think they--I mean, how long had Bucky known that he was Bucky? I mean, not that that has to preclude them from dating. I mean, maybe in the 30's it did. "Oh, I like that part." Bucky said of the little sting in the bridge. 

"Yeah." Sam said. 

"Sam." Bucky announced, right as the singer said that he didn't have wings, but was learning to fly. 

"Shut up. You can't hear it from under there." 

"Is that how it feels? The world got still." 

"Kind of. Not when you're fighting. It's fast when you're fighting." Sam said. _Well, the good old days may not return... And the rocks might melt, and the sea may burn!_ "Oh, I like that." 

"Apocalypse. Maybe he's an angel." 

"Oh. Oh. I thought it was like, yeah the good old days aren't coming back, yeah right, and the rocks are totally gonna melt, uh-huh." 

"Oh, I know this one." Bucky said of the song about the Indiana girl who grew up tall and grew up right. And who moved down here at the age of 18, and threw the boys away and was more than they'd seen. Oh, it's just Mary Jane's Last Dance. "Sam, turn the sink on for me?" 

Sam stood to one side of Bucky's rear end and turned the faucet. 

Bucky grumbled to himself. "Turn the garbage disposal on." 

"You need water for that." 

"Pour a cup of water on my head, fuck it. I'm seeing which fucking thing is wrong." 

"Is the drain dripping water on you?" Steve said in dismay. 

"What did you even do to it." Bucky said. "Relax."

Steve went to turn the water on, and the sink hissed and spat and Sam turned it off before it could spray at him, and he moved his foot to reach the garbage disposal, but he remembered what he was doing and turned the sink on.

Bucky crawled back out, but Sam was standing over him, like, literally Sam's calves were right against Bucky's hips, because of the switches being on opposite sides. Sam stepped back and Bucky followed him Sam pulled him to his feet. Through his legs like Dancing with the Stars. Bucky smiled at him. And now they were getting kind of wet because the sink was literally on. Sam dropped his hand to turn the garbage disposal off. 

"Oh, yeah, off, Steve you're good." Bucky took a couple steps back to yell for Steve. 

"Are we good?" Steve said. 

"Oh. No, we're not. I need an actual wrench." 

"Yeah, I got you." Sam said, and went through the toolbox. It was pretty quick after that. They both borrowed cloths from Steve, who made Bucky mop the kitchen, and then they had a couple beers and turned the tape over. 

\---

"Is Arnold Palmer dead?" Bucky said.

"No." Sam said. They were having paninis, at this craft place. "Wait, when was he born?"

"1950s. I'm just asking."

"Well, you shouldn't worry about it."

"Steve gets to."

"Steve golfs?"

Bucky sighed.

"Hey, tell me."

"You're right."

"Wanna bet?"

"2018." Bucky said.

\---

"I don't know what to do." Steve exclaimed. If you could guess, it was late.

"Put him on." Sam's advice to Steve was useless when he wasn't listening. Steve has some of the worst ideas you could imagine to help Bucky when his PTSD is bad. "Hey man." Sam said to Bucky, who hissed air in through his teeth or sniffled or something. Sam steeled himself to talk at a wall, but Bucky asked him about music instead, and that was easier.

\---

Sam 3405553928 16:26  
I hope I don't sound like a mother hen, I was reading an article about colorblindness. It's very rare in trans men. But it's important to know your body!

Sam 3405553928 16:26  


BARNES 9175550837 16:30  
God dammit.

\---

"Hey, you know that picture Steve gave me? I was wondering if you could find me a stud. You know, couldn't you tell with your arm?"

"Oh fuck off Sam." Bucky said, smiling, and Sam laughed at his own joke.

\---

Bucky came down to visit Sam in DC, so he took Monday off. He roped Bucky into running with him, and they get coffee after. There were enough interesting places that they didn't have to go to the same one every morning. Bucky was still jumpy about being recognized, but it's not like one could truly blame him when the Avengers had been visiting HYDRA so frequently. "You could tuck your hair into a cap." 

"Very funny." 

"Hey, even Steve does that. 

"Steve's a bad agent. This tastes weird." Bucky scowled at his latte. 

"Next time," Sam began. 

"Do you know how long they've had it?" 

"No. We can just get you a different drink, man. It's not a big deal. In this day and age, it's important to know what frappucinos you like." 

Bucky sighed. "It's fine, it's just weird. I'm just thinking about it." He lifted it up to look at the dark particulate on the bottom of his cup. Sam stirred his whipped cream. 

\---

"How'd you sleep?" Sam said. 

"Fine." Bucky lied. "What about you." 

Sam laughed to himself before he could also say fine, and Bucky made that face. "I slept fine. You don't have to be so sour." 

"Sorry. Fuck." 

"It's okay. That's usually how I know I'm on the right track." 

"Oh, is that so?" 

"Yeah. I think it's just your surprised face." Sam said, and Bucky does it. "Or maybe not." 

"I dunno. I'll try to not do it." 

"No, it's fine." 

"No one needs me looking all angry." 

"You're not. I figured." 

"It's not surprise." Bucky paces a little and stops himself. 

"Well anyway, what do you want to do today. We could go to Salisbury." 

"Okay." 

Salisbury is far, but they went anyway, they had some fun talking in the car. They ate and drank and walked around downtown, and Bucky drove them back. "Have you--what did you think you were, like, in highschool?" Bucky said. 

"Lesbian. Yeah." Sam smiled. It was just very cute that he thought that. "It was silly. And it's funny, I was so into the idea of that, but I've dated, I think just two women. What about you?" 

"I was straight I guess for a while. I had stupid hair, just as mean as I am now. Guys don't really like to put up with that, when you have stupid hair. And then, well, I don't really know WHAT people thought of me, but, yeah, I was trying to go with girls. I had a hat like a silly gangster. Ah, I don't know what kind of hat it was. Stop smiling, I bet you're thinking of me in sepia tone with a suit." 

"Alright, alright." He got Sam on the suit. 

Okay, yeah, Sam got Bucky in his bedroom and showed him his CDs, yes he still had CDs yes they still work, is it cheaper than Spotify? Well, he has a lot of them, so, you have to look at it that way. They listened to music and talked about girls. Bucky had some funny stories about getting out-butched by probably real actual butches. "Your house is like a horshoe." Bucky complained. It wasn't. Sam was focused on leaving the music on, so he could try to sleep without his mind going everywhere, and I think Bucky was focused on not getting off Sam's bed, because he it turned out was a cuddler. They slept pretty nice together. 

Bucky didn't leave on Monday, didn't leave when Sam woke up crying and lost, didn't leave but didn't always come running with him. He thought Sam's front yard was ugly, so that was their first project. It was mainly Bucky carrying around mulch and grunting, and Sam carrying more mulch than him, and him carrying more than Sam, and then them arguing about what to put on top of the mulch. Orange bushes or purple ones. 

\---

"I can't sleep." 

"Is that my problem?" Bucky grumbled, not moving. His knee was on Sam's chest, and his foot was against his ass. 

"Yes." Sam matched his weary tone. "I'm hungry." 

"Go eat or wait for breakfast. I'm making hash with the. Whatever meat." Bucky waved his hand around. 

"You're so annoying. Your dumb beef. You're killing me." 

"Don't eat all my beef. Perfect hash. It'll be so good. So worth it." 

"Taco Bell..." 

"No Taco Bell." Bucky said, and his voice changed a little bit like he'd just said no to whatever Sam was gonna say. "I'm not getting up for Taco Bell. You're the one who has a car here." 

"Do you have a car in New York?" 

"If I wanted to drive to Taco Bell in New York I would steal--well where are we in New York?" 

"We're usually with Steve. You don't have a motorcycle license." 

"Go to sleep." Bucky turned the TV on and put his chin against Sam's shoulder to channel surf.


	2. Homo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, pansexual fever is from full moon fever which has the pan flag colors, and homo is from mojo.

"Sam I have taken you to this restaurant in New York on this, Tuesday February 16 the day after Valentines day in this, the year of Fake Fantasy 2021 But Also So, So Real." Bucky began, overly formally to make Sam roll his eyes.

MEANWHILE, IN STEVE'S APARTMENT  
"Fuck! God dammit! Oh shit." Steve was running around like a crazy person. "Oh fuck me! C word! Fuck!"

BACK TO THE RESTAURANT  
"To ask a gender question." Bucky said in a sigh, but he started off hiding a smile. "Sam, what ARE we? I'm not dating, and I hope I would have noticed if you were dating. You know, you always come home to me." And then he wasn't hiding it, but he was somehow still shy.

"Yeah." Sam smiled but dropped his eyes. I mean, fuck, no he didn't. He looked at Bucky. "Took you forever." Sam said, and somehow that surprised Bucky into cartoonishly raising his eyebrows.

"ME forever?" Bucky said. 

"Yeah." Sam laughed to himself. "So what are we getting?"

"Oh, you're not gonna give me more shit for going on dates with you but not kissing you at the door?"

"I can do that later. We're here in New York." Sam said. With toothbrushes...

"Oooh-ooh." Bucky said.

"Yeah, uh-huh, it's gonna be one minute. Do you think chicken parmesan is a sandwich?"

"It's a hot dog. If the sauce is on top of the breading, it's a mess."

"Mmm."

\---

"Okay. Like, what were you going to do if dinner went bad?" Sam was looking around the hotel room that Bucky had gotten.

"Oh, us being stuck here as bros would have been the second best thing for our relationship." Bucky said. "Besides us just having a relationship."

"Oh, I guess so. I think the best thing for us would be having weird sex at couple's counseling."

"What's your problem." Bucky punched him.

"You know what the best thing for us would be?" Sam said, and kissed him, and they fell together on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah the Steve thing is it's Wednesday which is Lent, and either Steve forgot or he is giving up cussing and playing Fat Tuesday.

**Author's Note:**

> I am actually desperate now to know whether Sam or Bucky is "right" about Learning to Fly. And any other feedback :)  
> Folow my Blog 50% Sambucky 10% HLVRAI 30% memes and 10% Stony can we not all get along? [pitpoggers.tumblr.com](https://pitpoggers.tumblr.com/)


End file.
